I am single. For about 6 years through high school and the start of college I, more than anything else, wanted to be in a relationship. I believe it was God’s eternal providence that He did not allow me to find a girlfriend.

See, God knew what I did not. He knew what huge dangers a relationship not properly managed could pose, especially to a person like me. Back then God was not my first priority: girls were. I did not find peace and fulfillment and happiness in God alone: I thought I needed girls for that. God has been showing me that any relationship not founded in seeking the face of God, for His sake, is doomed. And I will never find an appropriate match until I’m content in God alone, then He may provide me with a partner to better seek out His will.

I believe the point of dating is marriage and if you’re not working towards that end, a relationship is damaging. And most people, ESPECIALLY Christians, view marriage and finding a spouse as their right: as if God owes them. You don’t have any rights. God owes you absolutely nothing. In fact, He owed you nothing when He died to save you. And you sit back, expecting more of Him, asking when your spouse will get here? The nerve. I’ve seen several younger Christians complain to more mature Christians about relationships and not having a bf/gf. I cringe when I hear the older Christians say “just wait, God will give you somebody when the time is right.” Or the horridly cliche: “God is just preparing the perfect person for you.” Maybe He won’t and maybe He isn’t. Again, it isn’t your right. Marriage isn’t a means to sanctification. Marriage is important as a picture of God’s love for the Church, but it is not a vital part of God’s salvation plan. You may never get married and that is totally OK. Or God may give you a spouse, and that is equally as OK. We need to teach kids to not be reliant on marriage as a source of peace and contentment.

In fact, Paul, arguably the greatest apostle, cautioned his parishioners against marriage, saying the only viable reason to get married is if you can’t control your sex drive. We know Peter was married, not because his wife was mentioned in the Bible, but because Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Aside from that we have no knowledge of any of the disciples’ spouses. We do know that if they had spouses, they left them to follow Jesus. Anyone in a relationship right now ask yourself: if God told me to leave my significant other to follow Him, would I? You’re only answering this to yourself, to be honest. Back in the day, I would have had to say a resounding no. I wouldn’t have. And that’s why God spared me from having those defected relationships. 

And do not take this as me saying anyone in a relationship should be single. Far from it. I am simply trying to warn against potential damaging relationships. Marriage and love between a committed couple is a beautiful thing, celebrated countless times in the Bible. Love is a glimpse of the eternal. It is majestic. It is beautiful when done right, but so much more so disastrous when done wrong. “The higher and mightier it is in the natural order, the more demoniac it will be if it rebels. It’s not out of bad mice or bad fleas you make demons, but out of bad archangels.” C.S. Lewis. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from having a relationship, simply trying to encourage you to have a healthy, God-founded one.

If you are a Christian, you MUST be striving for God above all things: even your girlfriend/boyfriend. If you’re single, you don’t “deserve” a gf/bf; it is not your right. And if you’re like me: unnaturally desperate for one, maybe God is sparing you from the potential disaster of a relationship not based on Him.

Ask yourself: Would I follow God if it meant never seeing my significant other again?

(Side bar for current couples: I’ve come to grips with my singleness and I’ve learned to be totally content in it. But it is hard to do. When you constantly post on Facebook and Twitter about how amazing your relationship is, it makes it that much harder. I’ll admit some times I still have weak spots where I think a girlfriend would make me happy and content. A rant about the amazing qualities of your girlfriend on Facebook doesn’t help me get over that. You might not, but people really do struggle with this. This doesn’t mean to act like you’re not in a relationship. Just don’t brag about it every single day. People like me are recovering relationship addicts and it might be considerate to not show it off in front of us. I know its hard, but its hard for us too.)

Good: I don’t believe in college.
Better: I don’t believe in American colleges.
Best: I don’t believe in American colleges as they are now.

In American we have turned universities and colleges into means for monetary gain instead of what they are called: institutions for higher learning. I don’t believe everyone should go to college. I don’t believe everyone should have to have a diploma to find a job.

I have been enrolled in a university for two years now. After pretty substantial scholarship offers, I have spent about $7,000-$8,000 which is comparatively very cheap. But next semester will be the first time I will be able to take classes directly related to what I wanted to study. I’ve been starkly against gen-eds ever since I got here.

People view college as a means to get a diploma so they can get a job. When colleges were first introduced they were intended for people who genuinely wanted to further education and their knowledge. The current model promotes a generation of kids who party instead of study and meander through college because they could care less. And I don’t blame them. Why are people trying to force them to care? I did not care at all about geology, and it won’t help my future, but I was forced to pay an absurd amount of money to “learn” about it.

People say we need gen eds and college in general because it creates an educated society. False. And besides that is what high school is for. High school should equip graduates with a general knowledge of a wide variety of subjects: enough that they can function in an educated society. College should be for people who truly wish to learn more advanced material on a specific subject, much like law school focuses on law. The high schools fail to educate students to an adequate standard, so they force them into college in order to make sure they are well educated. Students who were unmotivated to do more than retain facts to pass a test will not suddenly become determined connoisseurs of knowledge because they turned a year older and paid a lot of money for it.

If they didn’t try in high school, they won’t in college. And they shouldn’t have to. College should not be a means to get a job, it should be a means to get an education. Upscale trade schools, revamp public high schools, do something. Students should not expect the only way to get a decent job and to be well-educated is to go into obscene amounts of debt.

Try educating your youth instead of making money off them.

My friends from high school came to visit me these past few days and it was two of the best days I’ve had in a long time. Last night we were just sitting outside near the hot tub and eventually struck up a conversation with the 4 girls who were sitting in the hot tub. It lasted until about 4 am and was very interesting. It quickly became apparent that they weren’t Christians or in any way religious. The conversation turned to sex surprisingly quickly and got personal. They were shocked when we told them that the five of us were virgins at 20 years old. The first thing one of them said was: “Are you guys religious? But, seriously, we won’t judge you if you are. That’s cool.” We told them that we were and the conversation progressed. They said they respected us for waiting for marriage. I learned a few things from this conversation:

1. Christians have a reputation. We are expected to behave a certain way and its starkly different from how non-believers behave. They knew we were religious because we weren’t having sex. This doesn’t mean a “we’re better than you” attitude. It just means we don’t do the same things the world does. We don’t judge it, we just don’t embrace it.

I believe Christians my age are doing this reputation a disservice and it bugs me. Christ is not a buffet where you take the parts you want and forget about whats hard. I see so many people my age posting on social media about how Christ is their Lord and Savior and they live for God. That’s great, but seriously ask yourself if you do, though. I’m not in a position to judge. I don’t know your life and your struggle. But if you’re drinking underage, that violates a government law, thereby violating a Biblical law (getting drunk is just a violation of Biblical law at any age). If you’re having premarital sex, that’s violating God’s law. Its one thing to mess up and repent, but to think its totally fine is not OK. You can’t serve yourself and God. I’ve met people who say they are Christians and openly brag about their sexcapades like its perfectly OK. Its really not.  (I’m talking to Christians here. I understand non-believers don’t have the same belief I do and I understand they won’t follow the same morals. But if you call yourself a Christian and only follow the teachings of Christ that soot your own desires? Come on.)

So seriously think about this: who do you really serve, God or your own desires?

2. I felt less judged by these girls then most people feel by the church. They immediately accepted that we had a different lifestyle then them. They didn’t want to be close friends, obviously, we had different interests, but they still talked to us. I never felt judged by them.

So why does everyone feel judged by Christians? Christians who are supposed to love everybody? My friends know I’m a strong Christian. One of my friends is pregnant. She said she was incredibly nervous to tell me. When I responded with something along the lines of: “Ok, what do you need? How can I help?” she was so relieved. As Christians our job is to not pass judgement, its to love. No. Matter. What. And that’s where we drop the ball with the homosexual community. Its almost impossible to make a  strong Biblical case that homosexuality is not a sin (trust me, I’ve researched it. I want to believe its not, because saying homosexuality is wrong in this culture will get you burned at the stake.) But that does not mean we can hate them and condemn them. They are sinners, yeah, but so are you.

And pride is worse than homosexuality.

3. People are curious. Christians live differently. They had a lot of questions and were very curious as to how we made it 20 years without having sex. People are used to casual sex. These girls lived the party hard, sex drugs and rock and roll lifestyle. They were very intrigued and surprised to meet people who don’t. Its a great evangelism tool.

In the end I never got to exactly witness to them. I don’t think they would have been receptive, but maybe curious. But they know where I live, so maybe if they come back they’ll have questions and I’d be more than happy to answer them.

I don’t know what it is, I just don’t think I’ve become what they expected, when they’ve all become just what I thought.

They have long-term relationships, plans for the future, and contentment.

Does that mean I messed up?

Is our culture defined by the things we hate rather than the things we enjoy, or even by the things we believe? Do we relate more to others based on mutual hatred rather than mutual understanding or respect? I would say yes.

Our world loves to hate. I’ll give you a couple of recent examples. I’m from the great state of Tennessee, which means I have to be at least a partial UT Vols fan. Whenever they did not make the NCAA Basketball tournament, I saw grown men act like babies and spew venom out on teams that did. After the amount of hate and immaturity I saw from UT fans, I can’t imagine I’ll be calling myself a fan of that program any time soon. Does spreading your anger and hate make you feel better or justified? Does it help you or anyone else at all?

Second: this Stubenville rape trial, which is a horrible affair to follow. So many people, in the name of helping the victim, thoroughly hate the rapists and, even, CNN for their disastrous coverage. I’m not saying anything about the morality of the situation or who was in the wrong, as I think that’s obvious to anyone with a functioning brain, but how about instead of abusing and threatening the perpetrators and media, let’s, I don’t know, help the victims? It seems like the only way people know how to fix a horrible act is to commit other horrible acts of hate. Hate has never and will never solve any problems ever.

And finally, Nickelback. Everyone hates Nickelback. Why? Because its the cool thing to do. Instead of simply listening to their music, disliking it, moving on, and leaving it for someone that does, people must carry it farther into hating this band. And it creates a sense of unity. Again, not saying I like Nickelback. I just will not waste my time bashing them.

Hate brings us together, which is perverse. We unite over our mutual hatred. I don’t think we should spend anytime on things we hate (mostly things that we hate that can do us no harm, like Nickelback. Its one thing to say I hate rape and want to stop it. By all means, do. But to say ‘I hate coffee and want to make sure everyone knows it’ is another). Focusing so much on our hatred only leads to hatred. Maybe we should start focusing on things we enjoy and things we like.

How about we let mutual love binds us instead of shared hate?

I don’t like going home. But I love it at the same time. I love it for all the normal, expected reasons: my parents, home cooking, a break from work and school, seeing my friends, etc. But its weirder then that. Hence the blog post.

I was the kid in high school who was vocal about his hatred of his school and hometown. I vowed to never go back when I got out. I hated it all, the drama, the mean people, the ignorance. Basically what I hated was growing up.

I’ve been home for about 5 days now and I’ve learned a few things. Yes, I do miss a lot about this town. I’m an extremely nostalgic person. Like if I get nostalgic for a band or genre, I have to listen to that music. If I start missing a person, I have to talk to that person. If I miss a place, I have to visit. I started missing everyone from my hometown who wasn’t here. One of my best friends who was still away at his school, other casual friends I had, teachers, and even the girl.The one who really messed me up.

Its not that I miss her in a romantic way, at least that’s what I keep fooling myself into believing, but we had a great friendship, a real connection. Or at least I thought so. That’s what I want back.

Driving home from my friends house tonight I realized that I will always have a connection with this place. It where I learned the most about the important things in life: growing up, innocence and experience, loving, losing, fearing, anger, happiness. Its where I made my first friends and had my first fights. Where I learned to drive and first wrecked. And, yes, where I first loved. It hold a lot for me and I’m forever emotionally attached to it.

I just wish I could take all of the people and the relationships I had in high school and move them to where I am now. But that really wouldn’t be growing up, would it?

It’s hard nowadays to get someone to listen to you impartially, but carefully. To explain your thoughts, fears, feelings, etc without being judged.

I just want you to know that my inbox (or ears/phone if I know you in real life) is always open. Message me, anonymous or otherwise, and I’d love to listen to you and maybe even help if I can. No judgement, no hate, just honest listening. I’ll be a friend if you’ve never had one, or even if you’re just afraid to talk to your real ones for some reason.

Especially if you have questions regarding Christianity or religion (and approach it with an open mind. If your sole purpose is to be intolerant and hateful, I’m not interested) I’d love to help out in anyway I can. That’s my favorite subject.

Art to me is almost undefinable. It’s best said as an expression of emotion, in any medium. Creating something where once there was nothing in order to express yourself.

It makes me really angry and sad when teachers or parents discourage creative kids from creating because it is “impractical.” I hate how much the world discourages artistic expression, discourages art in any form as a profession. Sure, the world needs its mathematicians and lawyers and scientists, but the world really needs artists.

The world is broken and people have ruined themselves. We have forgotten how to feel and spread true emotion in a healthy way. That is what art can do. It helps people express anger and sadness in a healthy way. Most importantly, it can spread love, which is essential to fix the world.

So stop telling kids to not be creative because there is no money in it. If you want to write, write. If you want to paint, paint. If you want to perform, perform. But also if you want to count or experiment, or whatever it is business people do, do that and love it.

I just think the world would be a much better place if people did what they loved to do, rather than what others tell them they should do.

I just watched the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower (because that is what I do on Valentine’s Day) and it really hit me hard. I don’t know why. I’ll have to watch it in a few weeks or months when I’m in a different mind state to see if it has the same effect, but it could turn into a 500 Days of Summer: beautifully tragic. I know I have to write about it. I don’t know quite what yet. Lets hope I somehow get to a point.

I remember high school. I remember hating high school. I remember hating the girl who made me hate high school.

Back in high school all I wanted to do was get out. I wanted the future. Now, looking back, sometimes I think I’d give anything just to have a week of high school back. It was so care-free. It was beautifully innocent and wonderfully simple. I had three best friends my senior year, the only other guys in my class (I was one of 4 guys in my class) and I seriously miss the days of just driving around carelessly with them.

I remember one day specifically. It was maybe the last week of high school or the second to last. The four of us somehow got out of class at lunch time (disclaimer: I don’t know if we had permission, but I also am pretty sure it didn’t matter to us). We went to a local favorite of ours to eat. We ordered, received our food, and sat around a table outside talking and eating. I remember looking around and thinking: “This is going to be one of the last times we do this as the people we are now. Everything is about to change.” Boy was I right.

Since then we’ve all grown up and moved on. We’ve met new people, moved away, grown apart, but we’ll always have those days. Always have those memories. Those were some of the best days of my life.

But I didn’t think that at the time. And I remember, vividly, the cause of that: the girl. She was the definition of everything I wanted and couldn’t have. She ruined me. She was my Sam, except with a less happy ending. And yes, I even miss her.

I guess what I want to say is don’t ever be afraid to make a memory. I can’t remember the nights that I refused to hang out because I couldn’t afford it or just wanted to sit at home. Memories are the most important thing you will receive in high school. They are the learning experiences that matter. Make memories. Live. Laugh. Love. Get hurt. Be miserable.

After all, you only live once.