You might want to sit down for this.
Every little boy (and girl for all I know) dreams of being a superhero one day. They want to fly over rooftops, save the pretty princess, and be a soldier that civilians look up to with an almost worship like respect.
I gave up the dreams of being Spiderman or Batman years ago, but I never gave up the dream of being important.
To this day I still want to be a hero, just not of the “super” variety. I want to touch the world. I want to look back at the end of my life and say “I really made a difference.” I want to be important, to have a lasting effect, to be remembered. But most of all I want to help people. I want someone to look up to me, I want to be a hero for at least one person. And I’ve struggled for a long time on just how to do that. I don’t believe I have any gifts or skills that will put me in any position to be of any influence to anyone.
For a while I turned to music. Some of my favorite bands and musicians have helped me through some really tough times. Even though I’ve only met a few of them, they are heroes of mine. I look up to them and I’ll always remember them as having a lasting influence in my life. I wanted to be that. I wanted to reach people and help them through music. Until I realized I have almost no musical ability. I play drums, but only for fun. I’ve never considered even for a minute trying to make it as a drummer. I’m simply not good enough, and I don’t have the drive to make myself good enough.
After I realized that, that’s when I turned to writing these little blog posts. I don’t have a whole lot of followers, I know that. I also know that realistically only about an average of one person reads what I post.
But maybe I’m wrong.
I’m writing this on the off chance that I am wrong.
If you’re reading this or have read what I’ve written in the past, thank you. So much. A varying degree of thought goes in to each one, but they aren’t always easy to write. And I pray that I’ve helped at least one person out in any way through this. In the position I’m in right now, this is the only way I can think of to try and help, until I realize I’m not really good at this either.
Also, if you’re reading this and are going through a tough time, please talk to me. You can stay anon. I just want to give my best effort at helping. I’m a pretty good listener.
I may only be in training, but I’d love to have the opportunity to help.
I’ve been doing a lot of thinking recently. About things I probably shouldn’t be thinking about. About the future and the past. Memories and changes. Its kind of scary.
In high school, due to circumstances beyond our control, my graduating class had only four guys in it. I was one of them. To this day, the other three are still some of my best friends. We were in kindergarten together. We’ve seen it all together. We’ve grown up together. And we still hang out together.
Just two days ago I was hanging out with them and two of our other friends. We all go to different colleges, they have girlfriends, and we all have jobs. We rarely have time to hang out. When I’m home from school, I live about 45 minutes away from where they live, so I had quite a drive ahead of me. It was 11 at night. I told them I was about to go home. They begged me not to. I’m so happy I agreed to stay and hang out a little more. Really, we didn’t do anything. We went to Walmart, bought the monster of all watermelons, went to an abandoned Dairy Queen and just ate the watermelon and talked. Nothing special. Certainly far different from the parties most kids my age are doing, but I loved it. I haven’t laughed that hard in a while. It was great, and I almost missed it.
Today I got thinking about that old movie Without a Paddle. There are four best friends in that movie who grow up together as well. They are still best friends as adults. Until one day three of them get a call that the fourth has suffered an accident and died. I just got thinking that one day three of my four best friends will get that call. Who will it be? Will I be getting the call, or be the reason for it? I dread it. I can’t imagine going through that.
And just thinking about that made me realize how short life is. I was about ready to miss a couple hours with my best fiends because I didn’t want to drive that late at night. If something happens and I can’t hang out with them anymore, how much would I have dreaded that?
So I just encourage you: stay out that extra few hours to hang out with close friends. Break rules. Make memories. Laugh. You never know how long it will last, and those just might turn into hours you always wish you had back.
In about two weeks I will be moving on and literally moving away. I’ll be headed to college about six hours away from where I was raised. It will definitely be a culture shock being that far away from home, but I will have plenty of friends and a brother there to make the transition easier.
After I graduated from high school I changed a lot of things. I’m still the same exact person I was all through High School and Middle School. I like the person I’m becoming, so I won’t change that. The changes I made regarded the other people in my life. People I once called friends. I realized many of the people I knew in High School I should not carry on a friendship with out in the real world, so I cut them out. It was not an easy decision, believe me, but hopefully in the long run it will be worth it. I’m starting to see the benefits already. My life has been more drama free and happy this summer.
Some of my friends I’ve kept, though. Like my three best guy friends. I wouldn’t give them up for the world. I realized this summer and this past year just how much they mean to me. They kept me sane through all the stuff I went through with their insanity. Outsiders look at the four of us and think we are immature and stupid and many hate us. But they don’t know that immaturity and sillyness really helped more than they will ever know. It helped me step back and realize it is ok to laugh and have fun. Life is too short to spend sulking.
I’m glad I’ve been able to realize who in my life is important to hang on to and I’m excited for what the future holds.