Tonight, I’m living how I wanna be
So why would I care what you think of me
I said I’m done
What didn’t you understand?
There’s no room for you
In any of my plans
You never cared about my feelings before
So why start now?
If you don’t like the glimpse you get,
Show yourself to the door
You know where it is
You’ve shown it to me many times before
I’ll try to write everything you wanted me to say,
But let’s be serious, who didn’t think it’d end this way?
Did you really think I’d let you back in my head?
Think I’d retract and want to take back
Everything I wish that I had never said?
I meant it when I told you that I’m done
But then again, I also thought I meant it
When I said that you’re the one
Let’s have a moment of honesty
A brief daze of clarity
Through the midst of this insanity
I meant every word I didn’t say
I’ve put on restrictions, put my lost feelings at bay
I’m riding a high tonight
That has nothing to do with you
Nothing you can say will affect me
Because I’m being who I want to be
A man, a man without you
You’ve said what you wanted,
So I expect nothing else
We brought it back to where we started
When we were just strangers
I deleted my messages
And your number’s next
So don’t even think about thinking about me
And don’t even bother to text
Like you would anyway
I am a Christian, but I will be the first to admit I have doubts. I believe every Christian does.
I remember particularly one day I was riding around my city with this girl I had been great friends with for a while. She claims to be a Christian and has a cross hanging on the rear view mirror of her car. Later that night we went to a party with several underage teenagers who all proceeded to get drunk. I was one of the 5 who didn’t drink, the other 5 made it their mission to be as drunk as possible. Through that process I heard things about friend. I heard things she had done, things that would not be considered righteous.
Also at this party was another young man I know. He, also drunk, told me stories about the drugs he would do and the girls he would sleep with. Several days later he posts a status on his Facebook quoting lyrics of a Christian worship song.
I sat thinking the other day, as I often do, that who are all these people to claim God and then not live like they know Him? Is there a really a God that would allow people to get away with leading double lives like this? What kind of a God is this? I would be thoroughly convinced that they are not Christians, they don’t live the life.
At this point a little voice in my head whispered “you are no different.” That made me stop for several seconds as I considered it. Of course, it was true. I may not be guilty of the same sins as them, but I am definitely a sinner, as we all are. No one can boast of being perfect.
One of my favorite quotes is: “the church is a collection of sinners, not a museum of saints.” I don’t remember who said it, though Constantine is a good candidate, and that might not be word-for-word, but the message remains the same. Becoming a Christian does not make you perfect. One of the beauties of our God is that he accepts everyone, no matter what they have done. Jesus hung out with prostitutes and thieves, drunkards and tax collectors. However, he would never have hung out with a pharisee, who were the most righteous, moral abiding citizens back then.
So next time I look on someone and think they are not living how God desires them too, I will look on an equal.