Too young to notice and too dumb to care

I am single. For about 6 years through high school and the start of college I, more than anything else, wanted to be in a relationship. I believe it was God’s eternal providence that He did not allow me to find a girlfriend.

See, God knew what I did not. He knew what huge dangers a relationship not properly managed could pose, especially to a person like me. Back then God was not my first priority: girls were. I did not find peace and fulfillment and happiness in God alone: I thought I needed girls for that. God has been showing me that any relationship not founded in seeking the face of God, for His sake, is doomed. And I will never find an appropriate match until I’m content in God alone, then He may provide me with a partner to better seek out His will.

I believe the point of dating is marriage and if you’re not working towards that end, a relationship is damaging. And most people, ESPECIALLY Christians, view marriage and finding a spouse as their right: as if God owes them. You don’t have any rights. God owes you absolutely nothing. In fact, He owed you nothing when He died to save you. And you sit back, expecting more of Him, asking when your spouse will get here? The nerve. I’ve seen several younger Christians complain to more mature Christians about relationships and not having a bf/gf. I cringe when I hear the older Christians say “just wait, God will give you somebody when the time is right.” Or the horridly cliche: “God is just preparing the perfect person for you.” Maybe He won’t and maybe He isn’t. Again, it isn’t your right. Marriage isn’t a means to sanctification. Marriage is important as a picture of God’s love for the Church, but it is not a vital part of God’s salvation plan. You may never get married and that is totally OK. Or God may give you a spouse, and that is equally as OK. We need to teach kids to not be reliant on marriage as a source of peace and contentment.

In fact, Paul, arguably the greatest apostle, cautioned his parishioners against marriage, saying the only viable reason to get married is if you can’t control your sex drive. We know Peter was married, not because his wife was mentioned in the Bible, but because Jesus healed his mother-in-law. Aside from that we have no knowledge of any of the disciples’ spouses. We do know that if they had spouses, they left them to follow Jesus. Anyone in a relationship right now ask yourself: if God told me to leave my significant other to follow Him, would I? You’re only answering this to yourself, to be honest. Back in the day, I would have had to say a resounding no. I wouldn’t have. And that’s why God spared me from having those defected relationships. 

And do not take this as me saying anyone in a relationship should be single. Far from it. I am simply trying to warn against potential damaging relationships. Marriage and love between a committed couple is a beautiful thing, celebrated countless times in the Bible. Love is a glimpse of the eternal. It is majestic. It is beautiful when done right, but so much more so disastrous when done wrong. “The higher and mightier it is in the natural order, the more demoniac it will be if it rebels. It’s not out of bad mice or bad fleas you make demons, but out of bad archangels.” C.S. Lewis. I’m not trying to discourage anyone from having a relationship, simply trying to encourage you to have a healthy, God-founded one.

If you are a Christian, you MUST be striving for God above all things: even your girlfriend/boyfriend. If you’re single, you don’t “deserve” a gf/bf; it is not your right. And if you’re like me: unnaturally desperate for one, maybe God is sparing you from the potential disaster of a relationship not based on Him.

Ask yourself: Would I follow God if it meant never seeing my significant other again?

(Side bar for current couples: I’ve come to grips with my singleness and I’ve learned to be totally content in it. But it is hard to do. When you constantly post on Facebook and Twitter about how amazing your relationship is, it makes it that much harder. I’ll admit some times I still have weak spots where I think a girlfriend would make me happy and content. A rant about the amazing qualities of your girlfriend on Facebook doesn’t help me get over that. You might not, but people really do struggle with this. This doesn’t mean to act like you’re not in a relationship. Just don’t brag about it every single day. People like me are recovering relationship addicts and it might be considerate to not show it off in front of us. I know its hard, but its hard for us too.)

mykindafairytalee:

“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

C.S. Lewis